Kalevi (coranglaisman) wrote in linguaphiles,
Kalevi
coranglaisman
linguaphiles

  • Music:

Finnish translation checking

I'm bored and I don't want to/can't sleep yet, so I translated a Portuguese song into Finnish. Could someone make sure what I wrote makes sense/doesn't sound super weird?

Portuguese:

Sigo as ruas da cidade, velha, escura, imperfeita
Cheira a beijos de saudade, numa praça que se enfeita
Há uma criança que corre, uma vizinha que espreita
E em mim só segue o desejo de chegar p’ra te abraçar
E em mim só segue o desejo de chegar p’ra te abraçar

Se fosses luz, amor, ai luz do dia
Sorriso inspirador de fantasia
Se fosses água, amor, qual água pura
Que mata a sede à flor da ternura

Se fosses luz, amor, ai luz do dia
Sorriso inspirador de fantasia
Mas entre tudo que possas ser na vida
Só quero, meu amor, sejas vida minha

Finnish:

Kävelen vanhan pimeän vajavaisen kaupungin kaduilla
Se tuoksuu kaihon suudelmalta torilla, jolla itsensä koristaa
On lapsi, joka juoksee, on naapuri, joka vakoilee
Ja vain tahdon palata sulle sinua syleilemään
Ja vain tahdon palata sulle sinua syleilemään

Jos olisit valoa, rakas, oi, päivän valoa
Hymyä, joka inspiroi haaveiloa
Jos olisit vettä, armas, mitä puhdasta vettä
Jota tappaa hellyyden kukan janon

Jos olisit valoa, rakas, oi, päivän valoa
Hymyä, joka inspiroi haaveiloa
Mut kaiken joukossa, jota voisit olla elämässäsi
Vain haluan, rakkauteni, et' olisit elämäni mun

It's not the whole thing, but everything I cut was repeated text. I was not trying to copy the Portuguese version word-for-word, just trying to capture the same feel. I think I mostly got things right, vocab-wise (not sure if I got "imperfeita" quite right though), but I'm thinking some of my cases might be off: like, would you say "kävelen kaduilla" or "kävelen kaduissa"? And would you use partitive or nominative where I said "jos olisit..."? My biggest wonder is if I really need to say "Se tuoksuu", or if I don't need that pronoun there. I know word order is a little weird, but since it's a song and even the Portuguese version has some poetic oddities, I decided to try to capture that. In English, this is roughly what I was hoping to come up with:

I walk along the streets of the city, old, dark, imperfect
It smells like yearning kisses, in a embellishing square
A child is running, a neighbour is peeking
And within me the desire to return and embrace you
And within me the desire to return and embrace you

If you were light, my love, oh light of the day
Inspiring smile of fantasy
If you were water, my love, like pure water
That quenches the thirst of the tenderness flower

If you were light, my love, oh light of the day
Inspiring smile of fantasy
But among everything you can become in your life
I only want, my love, be the life of mine

x-posted to learn_nordic
Tags: case, finnish, music, portuguese, translation
Subscribe

Recent Posts from This Community

  • I guess basic is too basic.

    You have to love how slang evolves. In my day, insulting someone was dissing someone from the word disrespect. Now it is throwing shade, especially…

  • The Australian Vernacular... Mate

    Here's an article about Australian slang words, tacked onto a story about an ex-pat USA citizen grappling with what looks & sounds to be the base…

  • translations of the Bhagavad Gita

    An old friend was talking with C and me lately, and she expressed an interest in learning more about the ideas behind yoga, and particularly about…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 9 comments