Iris (sobdasha) wrote in linguaphiles,

Japanese to English translation questions

I'm trying to translate a comic from Japanese into English, to hopefully gain experience and improve my very meager knowledge in Japanese, and I'm stuck on a few points. (Cross-posting a few questions I had left-over from a previous post at japanese.)

1) 彼はーもう眠っているの?
まだ彼を、 眠らせるわけにはいかない
瞳を閉じたまま 起きていてもらおう
我々の、 生命線なのだから

Context: All of this text is from the first page of what seems to be more of an atmospheric comic, which I will link to here in case seeing it helps any. The text seems to be a group of people standing around discussing Character A (who is shown on that page), and as far as I can tell the comic revolves around the fact that A is, in a sense, dying--or if not dying quite yet, then everyone's aware that there's no longer any hope for recovery.
At the moment I'm pretty confident that the beginning is something like, "Is he... already dead?" "No." "I can't let him die just yet."
I'm not really sure how まま functions in the next line. I tried looking it up in an online Japanese dictionary, to see definitions and example sentences and try to figure out the meaning from its placement in the sentence, but that didn't help as much as I'd hoped. I'm thinking maybe it's the first definition on this page, something about a state that is unchanging, which I think my dictionary is giving in English as "as it is." If that's the case, would the line be something like, "I'll have him be living even with his eyes closed/even though his eyes remain closed"? (I'm assuming I can use 起きる to mean something along the lines of "to live" so that it corresponds with 眠る, which I think the author of the comic intended to be taken as "to die.")
In the final line, the comma is confusing me. For whatever reason, a pause at that place sounds right to my ears, but I'm not sure what it signifies. Is the comma just to make the reader pause, for dramatic effect? Does it add some sort of emphasis? Does it mean I'm not supposed to read 我々の、 生命線 as "our life-line" (and if so, then what is the function of that の)? On that note, if I am interpreting the comic correctly, A is not in a position to be anyone's life-line--but it's very likely the people talking are hoping to give character A one. If it is "our life-line," might that be referring to something other than A?

2) 聞けたら 良かったんだけこな

俺は、一緒になっても 良かったんだよ

Context: For the first line, character B is thinking back to a memory when he once asked A a question, but A never answered him. For the second line, B is considering how he was always told by his grandfather never to join together with A (which B obeyed), but now B thinks this about that situation.
Is 聞けたら良かった expressing the same idea as the English "If he had told me, it would have been good"? And as I am assuming なっても means "even if/when become", I'm wondering if that also works the same way: "I think even if we had joined together, it would have been fine."

Thanks in advance for any help you can give me!
Tags: japanese, translation

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