http://www.archive.org/details/englishassheiss00carogoog
It is apparently entirely genuine.
http://www.archimedes-lab.org/carolino.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_As_She_Is_Spoke
One gets similar effects nowadays with machine translations, but it requires a human mind to produce something as consistently amusing as this. I have picked out a few samples.
From the 'Idiotisms and Proverbs':
Nothing some money, nothing of Swiss.
In the country of blinds, the one eyed men are
kings.
To build castles in Espagnish.
Cat scalded fear the cold water.
Keep the chestnut of the fire with the cat foot.
Friendship of a child is water into a basket.
At some thing the misforte is good.
Burn the politeness.
After the paunch comes the dance.
Of the hand to mouth, one lose often the soup.
To look for a needle in a hay bundle.
To craunch the marmoset.
To buy cat in pocket.
To be as a fish into the water.
To make paps for the cats.
The Walk
Will you and take a walk with me ?
Wait for that the warm be out.
Go through that meadow. Who the country
is beautiful ! who the trees are thick !
Take the bloom's perfume.
It seems me that the corn does push alredy.
You hear the bird's gurgling ?
Which pleasure ! which charm !
The field has by me a thousand charms.
Are you hunter? will you go to the hunting in
one day this week ?
Willingly ; I have not a most pleasure in the
world. There is some game on they
cantons ?
We have done a great walk.
The Weather
We shall have a fine weather to day.
There is some foggy.
I fear of the thunderbolt.
The sun rise on.
The sun lie down.
It is light moon's.
[A True Linguist]
How is that gentilman who you did speak by
and by.
Is a German.
Tongh he is German, he speak so much well
italyan, french, Spanish, and english, that
among the Italyans, they believe him Ital-
yan, he speak the frenche as the Frenches
himselves. The Spanishesmen believe
him Spanishing, and the Englishes, Englis-
man.
It is difficult to enjoy well so much several Ian-
gages.
[Questions to ask when undertaking a sea-voyage]
Don't you fear the privateers!
I jest of them; my vessel is armed in man of war,
I have a vigilant and courageous equipage,
and the ammunitions don't want me its.
Never have you not done wreck?
That it is arrived me twice.
An Anecdote:
A Lady, which was to dine, chid to her
servant that she not had used butter enough.
This girl, for to excuse him selve, was bring a
little cat on the hand, and told that she came
to take him in the crime, finishing to eat the
two pounds from butter who remain. The
Lady took immediately the cat, was put into
the balances it had not weighted that one an
half pound.