The Masqueraded [November Rain] (always_lovin_u) wrote in linguaphiles,
The Masqueraded [November Rain]
always_lovin_u
linguaphiles

Translating a children's story.

I've been studying Chinese throughout college. My friend gave me a children's book after returning from China this week, so I've been busying myself trying to translate the first story. Would anyone care to correct/help with my questions? I've posted the original Mandarin and my (embarrassingly horrible) translation under the cut.

想重新做人的狐狸

有只老狐狸,经常欺骗别人,他的名声在森林里怀透了。 这只狐狸一心想恢复名誉,让大家改变对他的看法。为了表示重新做人的决心,他刮去胡须,忍着疼痛割掉了尾巴。
这天,老狐狸在森林里走着,一只乌鸦见了他,正想飞走,狐狸急忙点着头说:“乌鸦小姐,请别走,我已经准备脱胎换骨,重新做人啦。你瞧,我的胡须刮了,尾巴也割了。”
乌鸦看了看狐狸诚恳地说:“你要想重新做人,简单地改变模样是没有用的,最主要的还要看你的真实的行动!”

Fox wants to be a new person

There was an old fox. Every day he cheated people, and his reputation went through the forest. This fox wholeheartedly wanted to renew his reputation, and change everyone’s opinion about him. In order to show his resolution, he stripped off his whiskers, also bearing the pain of cutting off his tail.
One day, the old fox was walking through the forest and met a crow. Wanting her to fly away, the fox quickly nodded his head and said: “Miss Crow, please go away. I'm already prepared to emerge a new person. You look. My whiskers are stripped off and my tail is cut off too.”
The crow having seen the fox, sincerely said: “If you want to become a new person, a simple change in appearance is no use. Most important is that I still see your true actions!”

My questions:

What's the best way to translate 怀透? The dictionary says 透 means to "penetrate, pass through" so I kind of guessed.

刮? Dictionaries gave me "to scrape, blow, strip" and I was just stuck.

正想飞走 I don't understand what 正 does here, or if my translation is even close. 飞走 I just took as "fly away".

急忙点着头 Confused here too. 急忙 came up as "in a hurry". The 着 really through me off, but when I randomly looked up 点头, it meant "to nod one's head".

我已经准备脱胎换骨 I feel like I translated this way too literally, and that I'm missing some "bone" idiom.

乌鸦看了看狐狸诚恳地说 I wanted to make sure that my translation got it, and that it wasn't something like, "The crow listened to the fox's sincere words..."

Hopefully that wasn't too terrible for a first try. I'm sure there's other things wrong, so any help would be appreciated!

x-posted to zhongwen
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