1. "But that's what he *really* meant!" is not a universal justification.
2. Hardcore BDSM porn is not appropriate for a free-choice translation exercise.
3. I may not "keep the original orientation of the text" when translating Arabic, Chinese and Japanese.
4. Finding Shakespearian equivalents for "guns, bitches and bling" is not an appropriate term paper topic.
5. I may not list English as She is Spoke as an "outstanding 19th century achievement in language books."
6. "J/k" is not an appropriate translator's note.
7. I may not write my term papers with crayons.
7a. Or pastels.
8. I may not invent new words for foreign concepts just because those of my native languages are "boring."
9. I may not make a pronunciation chart using only examples from Persian in the original Arabic alphabet.
10. I may not use the exact same punctuation when translating German.
11. I will not "get medieval" on the semantics of Old English text.
12. I may not challenge the teacher to translate Nietzsche using only inherently funny words.
12a. Even if I already did it with Sartre.
13. Morris dancing is not an appropriate introduction to an oral presentation on ballet vocabulary.
15. I may not translate how-to instructions using strictly iambic pentameters.
15a. Or pangrams.
15b. No, lipograms are not fine either.
16. I may not refer to automated translation as "droid language".
17. "Trogdor the Terminator" is not an appropriate moniker for the terminological database.
18. Asian character tattoos are not a proper topi for my "Issues in modern translation" oral presentation.
19. I may not refer to finding the correct term as "terminating"
20. I may not abuse my teacher's lack of knowledge in Eastern European linguistics by picking Romanian and Moldovan as my working languages.
21. "For shits and giggles" is not a good enough reason for translating literally.
22. I should not translate so the text looks incredibly naughty when read by speakers of a foreign language.
23. I am not a Manageres-English translator.
24. My aim is not to get condemned in a worldwide fatwa.
25. My aim is not to be simultaneous excommunicated by all major religions.
26. I am not allowed to let spellcheck run unsupervised to ensure the final text will have amusing word replacements.
27. I am not a programmer. "My text is compiling" is not a procrastination excuse.
28. My comrades' production does not make less sense than Finnegans Wake.
29. Random "addition" of scare "quotes" makes for "poor copyediting".
30. I may not pretend other people's speech is subtitled.
30a. Especially as an excuse to look down women's necklines.
31. I may not leave every 20th paragraph untranslated "to keep people on their toes."
32. Wiktionary is not a proper substitute for Wikipedia.